Tearful Towie star Maria Fowler has revealed for the first time how she tried to kill herself by downing pills saying: “I just wanted to escape.”
The sobbing former glamour model opened her heart to the Sunday People about her spiral into depression after claims she had been a high-class escort.
Stunning Maria ended up taking pills, texting pals in despair and collapsing in a park.
She said: “I felt so desperate. I didn’t want to die but I didn’t want to live. I felt like a caged animal. It was a cry for help – I didn’t have anyone to turn to.”
Luckily her friend called an ambulance which took her to hospital where she spent three days on a drip.
Now recovered from her ordeal two weeks ago, Maria, 26, deeply regrets her suicide bid and is urging others in trouble to seek help. She said: “There’s nothing glamorous about trying to kill yourself. It’s been the worst time of my life.
“Now I want to turn a negative into a positive and make sure it doesn’t happen to other people. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance.”
Maria was one of the stars of The Only Way Is Essex when, in October 2011, it was alleged she had jetted all over the world as a £600-an-hour escort and been showered with gifts from mega-rich men, including lawyers, bankers and sheikhs.
Maria strenuously denied it and insisted she had been a promotions girl for an exclusive agency in London.
She said: “From the moment those allegations came out my whole life changed.
“Before I was pretty happy, really enjoying my time on Towie and I had a great life. But afterwards everything got quite dark. I felt constantly anxious, as if there was a hand round my throat.
“As we filmed the Towie Christmas single I was screaming inside, like I was in a bubble.”
Maria felt the ITV2 show had not been supportive.
She said: “The production staff didn’t call me for 13 days after the allegations came out. They didn’t even answer the phone, I felt like I had lost everything, it was horrible.”
She also complained Towie bosses had tried arrange a romance with Sugar Hut club owner Mick Norcross, 50, even though she was dating footballer Lee Croft, 28, now playing for League One Oldham Athletic.
Maria strenuously denied it and insisted she had been a promotions girl for an exclusive agency in London.
She said: “From the moment those allegations came out my whole life changed.
“Before I was pretty happy, really enjoying my time on Towie and I had a great life. But afterwards everything got quite dark. I felt constantly anxious, as if there was a hand round my throat.
“As we filmed the Towie Christmas single I was screaming inside, like I was in a bubble.”
Maria felt the ITV2 show had not been supportive.
She said: “The production staff didn’t call me for 13 days after the allegations came out. They didn’t even answer the phone, I felt like I had lost everything, it was horrible.”
She also complained Towie bosses had tried arrange a romance with Sugar Hut club owner Mick Norcross, 50, even though she was dating footballer Lee Croft, 28, now playing for League One Oldham Athletic.
She left Towie in January last year after three series and became dependent on antidepressants.
Yet Maria missed life in front of the camera. She explained: “I was so busy on the show it masked all my feelings. When it stopped it got boring, like I was just existing.” Maria was able to stop taking her daily antidepressants while she and Lee enjoyed a stay in Scotland. But she was back on the medication when they split in March 2012.
But it was Maria’s move to Peterborough with boyfriend, ice-hockey player James Morgan, 28, which rekindled her suicidal thoughts. She felt lonely and isolated from her friends and family in Derby and unable to bond with James’ girl, aged four.
She said: “I love being with James, he’s been great for me but I didn’t know anyone and I spent a lot of time on my own. We had lots of drunken rows and said things we didn’t mean.”
Wiping away tears, Maria recalled: “I felt backed into a corner and I’d take it out on him. I felt very lost again.”
Two weeks ago she argued with James and stormed out of their home intending to end her life.
She said: “I don’t think he realised how serious it was. Tears were streaming down my face. I felt so desperate.” Maria took pills bought from three chemists. She said: “I was walking around in such a state. I’d no idea where I was. Originally I wanted to jump in front of a car but I couldn’t put someone through that.
Yet Maria missed life in front of the camera. She explained: “I was so busy on the show it masked all my feelings. When it stopped it got boring, like I was just existing.” Maria was able to stop taking her daily antidepressants while she and Lee enjoyed a stay in Scotland. But she was back on the medication when they split in March 2012.
But it was Maria’s move to Peterborough with boyfriend, ice-hockey player James Morgan, 28, which rekindled her suicidal thoughts. She felt lonely and isolated from her friends and family in Derby and unable to bond with James’ girl, aged four.
She said: “I love being with James, he’s been great for me but I didn’t know anyone and I spent a lot of time on my own. We had lots of drunken rows and said things we didn’t mean.”
Wiping away tears, Maria recalled: “I felt backed into a corner and I’d take it out on him. I felt very lost again.”
Two weeks ago she argued with James and stormed out of their home intending to end her life.
She said: “I don’t think he realised how serious it was. Tears were streaming down my face. I felt so desperate.” Maria took pills bought from three chemists. She said: “I was walking around in such a state. I’d no idea where I was. Originally I wanted to jump in front of a car but I couldn’t put someone through that.
“So I washed down the pills with cola and started wandering the streets. I sat in a woman’s driveway and she said ‘are you OK?’ I just said yes and then I scurried off.”
Maria answered a text from her best friend. She said: “I told him I didn’t want to be here any more and I’d taken a lot of pills. He called me and told me to be calm, stay still and wait there for an ambulance.”
Before it arrived Maria Googled the effects of overdosing on the tablets she had taken.
She discovered they can give victims organ failure and take weeks to kill someone.
Maria collapsed and was confused when the ambulance arrived to take her to A&E at Peterborough City Hospital, and was put on a drip.
“I was so scared. After they put me on the first drip I just started vomiting everywhere.
“I wanted to go home but they said if you go home your organs will fail. I was in bits.” On the third night she was discharged from hospital. Maria, who was not registered with a GP, said she had lacked the confidence to ask for help. She said: “People don’t support you with depression as it’s not a physical disability.
“I’m a big character and when people are around me they don’t see what I’m like when I’m on my own. People would say ‘you’ll be fine, you’ll get over it’.
“Only my mum Trudy said I needed to go back to the doctor.” Since the suicide bid Maria has been living quietly with her mum in Derby.
Maria, who has launched a tanning range and is doing TV and magazine work, said: “I’ve been looking on the internet and I don’t think there is a great deal of hospital after-care.
“When I had a cyst on my eye a few weeks ago they gave me loads of information about how to treat it.
“But for my depression and post overdose they didn’t.
“That’s a real issue, people think because you can’t see it that it isn’t there.”
Maria answered a text from her best friend. She said: “I told him I didn’t want to be here any more and I’d taken a lot of pills. He called me and told me to be calm, stay still and wait there for an ambulance.”
Before it arrived Maria Googled the effects of overdosing on the tablets she had taken.
She discovered they can give victims organ failure and take weeks to kill someone.
Maria collapsed and was confused when the ambulance arrived to take her to A&E at Peterborough City Hospital, and was put on a drip.
“I was so scared. After they put me on the first drip I just started vomiting everywhere.
“I wanted to go home but they said if you go home your organs will fail. I was in bits.” On the third night she was discharged from hospital. Maria, who was not registered with a GP, said she had lacked the confidence to ask for help. She said: “People don’t support you with depression as it’s not a physical disability.
“I’m a big character and when people are around me they don’t see what I’m like when I’m on my own. People would say ‘you’ll be fine, you’ll get over it’.
“Only my mum Trudy said I needed to go back to the doctor.” Since the suicide bid Maria has been living quietly with her mum in Derby.
Maria, who has launched a tanning range and is doing TV and magazine work, said: “I’ve been looking on the internet and I don’t think there is a great deal of hospital after-care.
“When I had a cyst on my eye a few weeks ago they gave me loads of information about how to treat it.
“But for my depression and post overdose they didn’t.
“That’s a real issue, people think because you can’t see it that it isn’t there.”
Maria said: “I called NHS direct and the Samaritans. I felt I needed someone to help and not just listen, that’s the point I’m at now. I think there isn’t enough support.
“I want to use my experience to bring to light the way people can get support. I’ve a good family and friends but I felt I had no one.”
A spokesperson for Towie’s production company Lime Pictures said: “The welfare of our cast is of paramount importance. As part of our duty of care a psychologist is available to all cast should they need or require it.
“As well as seeking support from the production psych at the time, Maria was also supported by senior executives who had regular contact with her.
“Producers refute any claims that they encouraged a false relationship.
“I want to use my experience to bring to light the way people can get support. I’ve a good family and friends but I felt I had no one.”
A spokesperson for Towie’s production company Lime Pictures said: “The welfare of our cast is of paramount importance. As part of our duty of care a psychologist is available to all cast should they need or require it.
“As well as seeking support from the production psych at the time, Maria was also supported by senior executives who had regular contact with her.
“Producers refute any claims that they encouraged a false relationship.
